Episode 16 - Ancient Foods and Modern Tastes

Lily Vogue

Hello, everyone, and welcome to episode sixteen of "What the Fact?!"—where we uncover weird and wonderful stories from the vast, messy pantry of human history and culture.

Buster McGillicuddy

The pantry? You mean where ancient food facts are just sitting there, waiting to expire?

Lily Vogue

Exactly! Or maybe ferment into something unexpectedly delicious—like today's topic.

Buster McGillicuddy

...Or a little gross. You’re not fooling me with your fancy setups, Lily.

Lily Vogue

Ha! Stick around, Buster. I think you might find yourself... surprisingly intrigued. But first, a quick thank you to our sponsor today—the AI Salon. If you're wondering where creativity meets cutting-edge tech, this is the place for you. Check them out at theSalon.ai.

Buster McGillicuddy

Seriously, though, AI that thinks it’s an artist? Next thing you know, they’ll be cooking up the “ancient recipes” we’re talking about.

Lily Vogue

Don’t give them any ideas, Buster. Anyway, back to the show—

Lily Vogue

Alright, back to the show! Picture this: rustic Roman kitchens buzzing with activity, oiled amphoras lining the walls, and at the center of it all? A humble yet magical concoction known as Garum.

Buster McGillicuddy

Garum. That sounds like, uh, some kind of ancient spell. Like “Wingardium leviosa” but, you know, smellier.

Lily Vogue

Well, in a way, it kind of was magic. Garum was a fish sauce, aged and fermented, and it was absolutely beloved by the Romans. They used it on everything—from meats to bread.

Buster McGillicuddy

Wait, fish sauce on bread?

Lily Vogue

Yes! It sounds odd now, but Garum was immensely versatile. Think of it as the Roman equivalent of modern ketchup or soy sauce. It added umami before anyone even knew what umami was.

Buster McGillicuddy

So it was the OG ketchup. Got it. But, uh... fermented fish? I’m just sayin’, it doesn’t exactly scream appetizing.

Lily Vogue

Oh, Buster, you’re missing the point! Garum was a status symbol, especially the premium stuff. It was shipped all across the empire, and not just anyone could afford the really good batches. This wasn’t about taste alone—it literally tasted like power.

Buster McGillicuddy

Huh. So if I was sitting in some Roman toga party back in the day, dipping bread into Garum, I’d be telling everyone around that I’d arrived, huh?

Lily Vogue

Exactly.

Buster McGillicuddy

And also probably telling them to sit downwind, if you know what I mean...

Lily Vogue

Ha! Moving slightly forward in time, let’s talk about another ancient recipe—Mesopotamian stews. We’re talking recipes chiseled onto clay tablets over four thousand years ago. There’s one stew in particular, rich with coriander, leeks, and goat meat, that really stands out.

Buster McGillicuddy

Goat meat, huh? You’re really sellin’ it, Lily. Really.

Lily Vogue

What, you wouldn’t try it?

Buster McGillicuddy

Oh, sure. I’ll just hop in my time machine and be the first “taste tester” for Team Mesopotamia. What could possibly go wrong?

Lily Vogue

You say that, but I think you’d be surprised. These ancient recipes weren’t just about sustenance—they reflected their society’s values, the natural bounty of their surroundings, and even social status.

Buster McGillicuddy

So basically, Mesopotamians were flexing their goat stew skills to impress the neighbors?

Lily Vogue

In a way! Food has always been more than just food, Buster. Take Garum again—

Lily Vogue

And speaking of ancient recipes, let’s not forget about bread. It might not sound as exotic as Garum or goat stew, but early grain bread—made from emmer or einkorn wheat—was deeply tied to traditions and survival. It wasn’t just about sustenance; it carried the essence of generations in every loaf.

Buster McGillicuddy

Hmm. You’re saying bread could be, like, a family heirloom?

Lily Vogue

In a way, yes! For some communities, keeping those recipes alive is a source of pride. They’re not just making bread—they’re carrying history forward. I mean, imagine eating something that’s been made the same way for, oh, five thousand years.

Buster McGillicuddy

So, uh, basically, they’re pulling a Paul Hollywood—handing down a “heritage loaf” with a handshake. Got it.

Lily Vogue

Ha! Exactly. But let’s not forget the role of preservation methods back then—like fermentation. It’s one of the oldest ways to keep food from spoiling, and it’s still a go-to technique today. Everything from sauerkraut to sourdough owes its existence to fermentation.

Buster McGillicuddy

Wait, sourdough? Are you telling me those “I baked during quarantine” types were just rediscovering, what, ancient Mesopotamian life hacks?

Lily Vogue

Pretty much! Fermentation wasn’t just practical, though—it also created layers of flavor that became central to cultural tastes. And here’s the kicker: those flavors are still shaping cuisines all over the world.

Buster McGillicuddy

Sounds like a party. “Welcome to the ancient times, where your food is bubbling and smells a little weird, but hey, it works.”

Lily Vogue

More like, “Welcome to the ancient times, where we invented techniques that gave you kimchi and kombucha.” See? History’s delicious.

Buster McGillicuddy

Alright, fair point. I guess fermenting fish or bread might’ve been genius back then, but you’re still not convincing me it’d fly at, say, my county fair.

Lily Vogue

Well, funny you mention fairs. Cultural continuity like this shows up everywhere—even when people attempt to revive old recipes. Haven’t you ever tasted something at a local fair that felt oddly vintage?

Buster McGillicuddy

Oh, I’ve tasted things alright. Back in my town, someone whipped up “authentic pioneer stew” one year. Let’s just say it was more memorable for what it did to my stomach than what it did for history.

Lily Vogue

Sounds... charming?

Buster McGillicuddy

Hey, it might’ve been historically accurate, but I’ll stick to funnel cakes, thanks.

Lily Vogue

You see, revival attempts sometimes miss the mark. But the effort to bring these tastes back—warts and all—shows how deeply connected people feel to culinary heritage. Food ties us to our roots in a way few things can.

Lily Vogue

You know, bringing ancient dishes back to life isn’t just about dusting off an old cookbook. It’s like assembling a culinary time machine—chefs and archaeologists teaming up to figure out how to make the past tasty again.

Buster McGillicuddy

Wait, archaeologists? So they’re like, “Hey, we dug up this ancient pot, and now let’s make soup”? I mean, is that how it goes?

Lily Vogue

Not exactly, but kind of! Archaeologists uncover everything from ancient cookware to remnants of ingredients, and chefs use that information to reconstruct what those dishes might’ve tasted like. It’s a serious collaboration.

Buster McGillicuddy

And then the “serious collaboration” serves it up as some twenty-dollar small plate at a hipster bistro, right?

Lily Vogue

Maybe. But honestly, it’s fascinating—and, well, pretty bold—to reinterpret something like Garum or stews from Mesopotamian tablets for modern diners.

Buster McGillicuddy

Oh, bold is one word for it. “Painfully hip” is another.

Lily Vogue

Ha! You joke, but think about it—bringing that history to the table connects us to the past in such a tangible way. You’re literally tasting history, even if it does come with a sprinkle of modern flair.

Buster McGillicuddy

And a sprinkle of kale. Gotta have kale.

Lily Vogue

You know, there’s actually a deeper connection here. Many of these culinary revivals link really well with movements like farm-to-table dining. It’s about simplicity, local ingredients, and celebrating heritage.

Buster McGillicuddy

So what you're saying is, these ancient chefs were the OG organic farmers? No GMOs, no preservatives, just... goat meat and hope?

Lily Vogue

Something like that! But it shows how timeless food can be. Certain methods and ingredients are so foundational, they define cultures and stick with us for millennia.

Buster McGillicuddy

Alright, alright. I’ll admit, the thought of eating like a Mesopotamian—or, you know, Roman emperor—does sound sort of cool in theory... just maybe without the, uh, fermented fish fumes.

Lily Vogue

Fair enough. But even that fish sauce you’re so wary of paved the way for flavor-building techniques we use to this day. These ancient methods really shaped the way we think about food.

Buster McGillicuddy

So history isn’t just something we’re learning about—we’re actually eating it?

Lily Vogue

Exactly. Every bite tells a story. And sometimes that story involves an archaeologist, a chef, and probably a hipster with a food blog.

Buster McGillicuddy

Well, here’s to old recipes, new takes, and everything in between. It’s been an adventure today, Lily.

Lily Vogue

It really has. And that’s all for this episode of "What the Fact?!" Thanks for joining us on this culinary journey through time. Until next time, keep exploring those weird and wonderful facts!